Sunday, February 28, 2016

Quarter Life Crisis



Written 22/02/16

“I’m sat here on a Monday evening having just devoured a pack of pre-cut carrots (yet I won’t lower myself to pre-grated cheese?) and hummus in a shallow attempt to be healthy because I’m all too aware of the fact I haven’t been to the gym in a month and thrown away another £24.99, whilst also worrying about deadlines in two weeks and not knowing what to do with my life AND nursing a serious case of heart ache.”

That was an excerpt from my life – my life 20 minutes ago to be more exact. I am currently experiencing that dark time that encroaches as one turns 20 called the ‘quarter life crisis’. Symptoms include snacking on quavers, Netflix binging, excessive coffee drinking, turning into a hermit, worrying about life as we know it and sleeping in until midday.

Sound all too familiar? Go ahead and self-diagnose.

I’ve never been good at planning. I’ve never understood people who love to make lists and sure has hell never managed to keep a successful yearly planner; I was the kid who would invest in a cute and more-money-than-it’s-worth Paperchase planner in the hopes the cute floral design would inspire me to use it, only to discover I don’t like florals and I don’t like planning. I’ve always preferred to live for now and seize the day but I now worry I haven’t planned enough for the real future.

My rough life plan was always to go to London College of Fashion and didn’t really plan beyond that thus here I sit surrounded by crisp packets and procrastinating my assignments. I feel as though my life needs that floral planner but its spring and we’ve all watched The Devil Wears Prada and obviously I’m just making excuses.

However, are meticulous life plans really a sensible idea? What if you don’t achieve everything? What if the specifics of it don’t pan out? You can say you’re going to be married by 26 but, unless you can mail order husbands, you’ve got to find one first and you can’t plan that sort of thing. You can say you’re going to get a specific job title but the job market is bloody tough. Are detailed life plans merely a recipe for disappointment?

My plan for post university life is simply to get a job. I don’t know what job or where, but at least it seems more achievable than saying I’m going to be the fashion features assistant at Vogue because let’s face it – that ain’t happening. I can already hear some people crying out “Xenia, don’t put yourself down like that” or “Aim high Xenia” but I don’t think this is a case of me putting myself down or aiming low. If there’s a fashion assistant job at Vogue on offer you can bet I’ll be applying for it but I’m not going to base my life on something so uncertain. If I get a job I’ve achieved my plan. Simple. I’ve achieved my goal and can now focus on bettering myself and my career.

I’ve not even bothered planning my love life because again, let’s face it – that ain’t happening.

So as I sit here, contemplating whether to succumb to that late night bowl of cereal, I may not have the most detailed life plan and may not know what on earth I want my post uni job to be, but at least I have a drive to not be that creepy person sleeping on my friends’ sofas at the age of 30 to keep me going.

Over and out.
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2 comments

  1. I remember that uncertain feeling as a student too! The best theing to do is make long term plans to aim for with smaller short term goals to start working... and then be open and accepting to changes or adjustments :-) disappointment is not always a bad thing, to can make you stronger and you usually find something better is around the corner! Xx

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    1. grr to those typos, I was typing on a very small screen!

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